9.28.2010

21st post

not literally the 21st post
frankly, i dont really like the fact that im already 21.

and, somehow i realised that i'm bad with comments.
and bad with people skills too.
sorry if i have offended anyone of you in any manner
under any circumstances

whenever i feel offended or something - i just want to runaway and hide.
and whenever i have offended anyone
i've asked quite a bunch of opinions from friends - dudes and babes.

go get a life.
i dream big - and now im stuck in reality to make my dream come true.
with all these problems and stuff, i was told that im jealous of my sister.
its true in the sense that, i wasn't given the talent to go wild
go wreckless and irresponsible.

the sad thing is, i find it kinda offensive.
my life, who are you to define MY life?

so... being caring is annoying?
being overprotective is shameful?
being worried is embarrassing?

what do i get in return?
bad name and a joke.

and tied by the kiasu spirit - i've being judgemental for my entire life.
now i know why people say breaking free is not easy.
i dont want to end up like normal people - i have bigger dreams.
and i do mean BIG dreams.
when i look into my future plans and dreams; it seems so far.
yet, im already 21 - soon, i'll turn 30, 40, 50.
its not really that far you know? i began to worry.

and right now? i don't even have the courage to make the decision
to take the step to tell my dad i want to buy a new phone.
nope.. its not about the phone.
its about all other future decisions i would have to make.
im too timid to make mistakes - which is really undesirable.

for the birthday wishes - i have realised that i've been making wishes not for myself.
for mom dad grandma sis bro and everybody else.
and i realised this not so long ago after i blew the candle off @ TGIF Gardens.

please give me the courage to be cruel and selfish.
so that i will worry less and get my life
as you are not worthy of my birthday wish.

thank you, for giving me all these wishes.
and i've spent it not-so-wisely for the past 21 years.
love you all.

from tess to
dad mom grandma aunt sis bro
alice sara chenguan levon
michelle jasmyn janet victor fanson joe ezu