with all the comments, and reviews, appreciations, chilling out, birthdays, workloads.
there's not a moment that i do not miss you. when you were sitting next to me watching that stupid movie that you have always liked. when you were pouring soda when i turn on my favourite show. when i sit next to you watching how u solve the game that i will never now learn how to. when you called to buy me chocolates after your basketball practice. when you ask me how to solve algebra and i failed to explain it to you. when you bring back mini surprises for me after your tuition classes. when you crack lame jokes and made us laughed. when you bring back injured baby animals and ask me how to fix them.
wishing you were somehow here again. so that i can keep all my promises to you - that i can never now. you should have warned us, so that we can fix it. you should have warned us, so that we would have known and be able to help you with all your wishes. you should have warned us, so that i could have kept my promises. you should have warned us, so that i can fit you in the nicest clothes. you should have warned us, so that we could have eaten more sushi together. you should have warned us, so that i can spoil you rotten. you should have warned us, so i can tell you everyday how much i love you.
last week was awful that, its the second year that we couldn't celebrate your birthday. its sadder when i think of people who wronged you; when i misunderstood your condition as teenage rebellion. it gets even more terrible that, i couldn't recall any birthdays that we have celebrated with you. there will be no chance. not anymore.
im sorry that i did not take initiative to celebrate your birthdays. im sorry that i did not earn money soon enough to fit you into the nicest clothes. im sorry that i did not treat you to a decent meal before. im sorry that i did not buy you the phone that i have promised. im sorry that i did not bring you to starbucks. im sorry that i always push you to work with dad. im sorry that i was born a girl instead. im sorry that i did not notice your condition earlier to fix it; and everything ends there.
if there's an afterlife. i want you to be with me - with us altogether as a family again.
i will always love you.