Lost Watch

I lost my watch

technically..its my mom's

so... Im so dead now

How am I suppose to tell her?

Emotional Collide

Collision happens when 2 objects or individual crosses each other and left part of them behind. It simply reminds me of human relationships.friends. family. child. siblings. colleagues. a hero. pet. even the poor little lizard your car ran over weeks ago. Eventually, traces will be left behind physically, and emotionally. The greater the collision it is, the grander the collision will be.

good and bad collision happens, especially in arguments. People tend to think irrationally where harsh words and vicious emotions are unleashed. When anger controls your frontal lobe, and the grey matters- it means that you care. Those who deserves your attention wont trigger the switch; those who does, doesn't deserve your attention.

think it this way collisions are meant to happen, and it happens for a good reason. Harsh words, they might be emotional, it can be an effort to strengthen his/her point of view. They simply care too much, to the extend that it worries. i have got times that i would like to scold too. But, collision happens for a reason. think positively

Emotional collisionsare precious, as it will be carried to your tombstone. Since it is for eternal, shouldn't you drop the melancholy in your life? There certainly are reasons for angst, anger, maybe vengeance. What remains when blood is to vein? memories. Would you like to have to be remembered as an asshole? or an irritating bitch. It does sound harsh..but also, the closest description that is generally understood. first impression? it will last forever especially for those who collision happens once in your lifetime.

I know I have missed the 10th Sept post...its nothing fun actually.

This is the first birthday of mine, that I didnt get to celebrate with all the ones that i have, and having the most emotional collision with. Celebrating birthdays were always not on top of our family-to-do-list. Usually is the Sunday dinner. Dad works 24/7, hardly gets time with us. Birthday, doesnt really mean much until back in 3 or 4 years.

When we were in elementary, we begged for a birthday cake. Birthday celebrations were hardly pre-posessing coz i wasnt a people-person. Had a birthday party when i was..9 or 10. it sucked, of course Mom got herself busy from dawn till the party ends. from that time onwards, Birthdays, means an extra day off.

Got into college, kids growing up like pumping gasses...we started with Mom's bday. Got screwed too.. but it was fun. Getting together, dad heard the screwing part... then...Wil's...His was easy to remember, still easy now. Just because, his is special...March. The rest of ours were all clustered at the lower half of the year. So, I made a big deal as we tend to forget his birthday easily.

After Wil's, will be dad's. He would like it the conventional way. Hard boiled egg in a bowl of 'Longevity noodle'. Meg's, she requested quite alot. but this year, It was hard for her because...Its suppose to be happy. She was the closest with Wil..same elementary, high school, tuition classes, group of friends, clubs, sports...

On the contrary, I thought it will be easy for me. But, when I was in the particular night...I remembered how he begged mom to buy me a cake... Mom doesnt like it..but he thought that it will be nice for us to blow a cake together...with all the singing, though dad will still reach home late. It was always us, blowing the cake together ever since we started celebrating birthdays. Just a small one...lit up candles...sing to ourselves and make a wish

Sis insisted to buy me a cake this year...It was a raining thursday, just the two of us..Mom forgot coz she was busy with her work thing...Dad didnt realise [prob because i did not want to make a fuss over it] It tends to get harder when I decide to spend it quietly. With Meg over here...watching movies on the TV, chewing off chicken wings n drumsticks... It turns out less burdening...I didnt want to buy a cake this year...coz it will take me prob 1 whole year to finish it. Yet, Meg insisted and she bought me a slice. Its still in the fridge. Meg did excellent in this because Im pretty sure that Its more difficult for her...Its me, my problem.

Emotional collision are extensively hard to deal with, especially a collision that lasted for 17 years. More will come in the future. I still need some time to deal with it. Teary eyes are must-haves all the time. Sometimes...I even feel guilty for the happinesses Im getting. The collision should have lasted forever.

Mom's friend once visited...and I was fooling around with Meg on the couch. There she goes: 'How nice that both of you are so close together? My kids fight.' Im not sure what it feels like but I do hate that feeling. Awkward thoughts have always come up..How nice was it When I were not this close with Meg? Because when he is still here, he will be the middle person, literally and metaphorically. When people asks, do you have any siblings? I dont even feel like answering... Its a reflex to answer it for all these time.

Its time to change.

Time collision with you is a part of my life, my birthday, my dinner, my movie sessions, my not-people-pleaser-moments, my elderly-moments. Im sure it will continue, some day in the future.

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I Collide

Happy Birthday to me