Chopsticks

Random or not? I'd say it's a little bit of both. I have this weird obsession with chopsticks. When I makan, it feels awkward to eat with fork & spoon. I even eat spaghetti with chopsticks. [psst.. only at home] Well, as you know [or don't], chopsticks comes in a pair. Often used as a metaphor for co-operation and group work etc. I think there's a saying, but can't remember.

So, this occur to me when I was chatting with The Boss. Don't take it literally, it's just a nickname. We always have this hang out sessions.. just to chill out somewhere, play some pool game, UNO cards and gossips. It used to be 4, back in highschool. We were like.. chopsticks together. Well, 2 pairs of them. Tuition classes, shopping, bowling, chilling out. It has always been 4 of us together.

When grad, Ms. Boss departed; Ms. Skinny stayed; Ms Shorty lost contact. Dozens of reasons, chilling out have been a seasonal thing. And Ms. Shorty... was dating this guy since highschool. Thats another part of the story i blogged quite some time ago. *here*

Back to the chopstick story... To me, friends are like chopsticks. They are here for one reason - to be there for each other when there's anything. By anything, includes merry, melancholy, messed-ups, and make-ups. [it rhymes, I know] LOL

Back in highschool, girls like to read this japanese fashion magazine, despite the fact that, they couldn't understand even a syllable of it... Which I kinda despise for being unreasonably irrational. I wasn't very much into it, Ms. Boss and Ms Shorty paired up with this bimbo in my class; Ms Skinny was in account. That was the time that all this drama started. I guess people just don't work the way you think they will. I admit, I'm overly possessive and sometimes, manipulative. And when I feel that, the channel doesn't connect... I'll just ditch it.

Furthermore, I have had issues with Ms. Shorty since... Primary? [fyi, we studied in the same primary school but in different class] and, it has deep rooted in highschool year 1. It's a seating problem. I reported to school late because of some address thingy. So, when I enter the classroom, which is with Ms. Shorty. I sat beside her. The next day, she moved to a table across.

I know this sounds like a 4 years old issue.. but I'll probably carry it to my grave. What you treat is what you get. Well.. It wasn't an instant thing, yet accumulated. 'Lama-lama jadi bukit' I know. Call me a calculative bitch.

It has been a constant. When I'm not needed.. I'm invisible; When I'm needed, I'm a friend. Back at that time, I wasn't close with Ms Boss [she was in a different class] , and had a few chit-chatting with Ms. Skinny [same class with me, but different year]. Eventually, I was by myself besides Ms. Pineapple who sat next to me [she came here later the month after me]. Guys.. they sucked to the max that time. Stories later. Its officially the most embarrassing thing that has happened in my entire life.

Soon as Year 1 ended, we were re-assigned to different classes according to our grades. Ironically, Ms. Shorty was assigned to the same class with me. Same thing with Ms. Boss, and Ms. Skinny. Ms. Boss came to me first, say that she wants to sit beside me; just 5 minutes before Ms. Skinny... Last comes Ms. Shorty. I have always been wondering why I said yes back then. After that, we have been BFFs ever since.

I was the reason this whole BFF thing is happening... and Ms. Shorty kinda take it for granted. We have had issues... big and sort-of we-go-seperate-way issues. I have noticed, felt horrible about it... we resolved it some how. Yet, the 'bukit' turned Everest.

I have a major crack head issue with people who I consider friend, take it for granted. After 4 years... she finally called us for a chill out session - because she broke up with that guy that she has been dating since highschool.. and why they broke up? Because the guy cheated on her, after she called for a relationship break.

Call me a bitch... but I think that is non of my business because I wasn't part of the story. Fyi, I didn't know that she was dating that guy, until some random ass from junior batch came and ask me whether they are dating or not. That is how you treat your BFF. Probably I was the only one who were that naive to think that I am her BFF, or was? Anyway, it doesn't really matter now.

And Ms Skinny... she's turning into Ms Shorty in the early stage. Busy all the time and everything the universe rotates around the boyfriend. Valentines, White Christmas, Red Christmas, Anniversary, Weekend hangout, Movie session, Dinner, Meet the parents, Travel to hometown, Buy him breakfast, Birthdays. Out of 365days, couldn't there be a chill out session for the so-called BFFs?

Call me ego and self-centered, but I rather spend my time for something else.. than wasting it on a relationship that I know it will repeatedly fail again.

Okay.. I was lost

Not lost in love, or lost in transition. Nothing to do with anything.. okay?

It has been... 3 or 4 months? You do the math.. hate maths. Since i last posted. New year? or was it Christmas? Anyway... I was lazy, just don't feel like posting anything. Once in a while, random stuffs pops up and had this awkward rush to post something up here. By the time i signed in.. either I forgot what I wanted to post.. or I fell asleep waiting. Yeah... have been using this not-so-brilliant internet service provider for quite some time.

So.. I'll be posting on Why I'm not posting anything recently:-

1. Random stuffs

Sometimes I'm inspired by small little things. Things I ate, things I saw, things I touched, things I sensed among people's relationship [fyi, I'm bad with relationships], things I heard from people [mostly ms. pudu & ms. hartamas] Its more like a chick flick, than a blockbuster. I will notice it.. but probably will forget afterwards. So, either I have this flick thingy on-the-spot, or it will be just a gust of wind.

2. Pictures

I have always liked to see photos, take photos, read photos. Cant actually read it but.. analyse it sounds even nerdy-ier. LOL. Anyway.. after the FRIM incident which I cleverly slipped my DSC-W90 into the stream of cold flowing water.. Photoshop is so needed if I'm ever going to post anything. Either I rather spend my time editing watching another episode of Bones, or again... it will be another gust of wind.

3. Sensitive issues

These are not really random stuffs. Sometimes are things that I got frustrated about.. things I hate about.. .things I would like to comment about [genuinely referred as gossips] are mostly untouchable issues. Who's flirting with who, who had a crush on who... I feel okay if people are commenting about my stuffs.. gossips I call it. either my hair sucks... or my body stinks or my clothing is ugly. I take compliments & despises. [whether i'll be depressed or not its my problem] However, things that I can take.. is not necessary that its okay for other people. So, either I anonymously post it, or don't post it at all... By the way.. I feel that anonymous post are meaningless. an object is just an object if it is not addressed. Another gust of wind

4. Temperamental posts

I'm not bad-tempered, I'm not hyper, I'm not emo, I'm not out-going, I'm not socio-able [most of the time], I'm not introvert [I think], I'm not dreamy, I'm not rational. Everything seems to be out of the way it should be when it comes to me. Please, I'm not stressing that im special.. By the way, I'm not. But, sometimes, little emotional changes that inspires a blogpost, will soon be over. It inspires, but it stops somewhere... mostly before I reach internet access and sign-in for a blogpost. That is probably why I have been posting about movies that I have watched and felt strongly about.

5. Passion

I'm studying ID, which basically means that my life is occupied by it most of the time. I have always hoped that I will be the best of my kind - even though it is depressing to say that I'm not. Passion grows in time. At first, its just a flick in my head before I decided to be involved with the building design industry.Passion is not included in my resume. Yet, it grows in time. This is the state of time where, I'm quite uncertain of my life.

So, next time when I'm posting, or not. It has to relate back. Itsy bitsy part of my life which I'm willingly to share. Nowadays, you'll get sued for expressing in your own blog. I guess, that is the greatest obstacle for bloggers. Whereas, my life isn't that fantastic as I thought it is [the blogroll counter tells...] So, blogpost is going to be vastly reduced.

Fyi, I'm reading the asm brief now. Guess what.. I might be cancelling my account after reading it. Cheer up people! It will be another day tomorrow. Suddenly feels like James Bond. The difference is, I'm going to die and I dont have a Walter PPK.

p.s : This post isn't even entitled for a CNY post. So, happy day onwards. ^^

Its not the Eve, anymore

Christmas, usually will be spent at home. With my TV, Mom, Dad, Meg & Will; probably alone if Eng's wedding did not turn up. Lifestyle in KL, pretty much attached to various shopping malls and arcades of bars, lounge and restaurants. The first few experience is rather fun, but it gets dull after maybe 4 or 5 times.

New Year, will be of higher chance to couch potato at home as well. The traffic, the crowd, the long wait for our food. Call me self-centered but I'll go crazy if my food is stuck somewhere in the oven, burn into charcoal and the waitress claim that its the crowd. Afterall, food they serve in eventful days, normally suck to the max. Of course, 'because of the crowd'. Dad, normally have plans with his friends; same thing goes with mom. In fact, she went Pangkor with her colleagues this morning, for the coming 4 days. As for Meg, she had plan for Christmas; New Year will be stuck at home with me. And, Im stuck here working [pssst.]

For the past week, or maybe more... I've heard people talking about New Year resolution- like what are you going to do for the coming 2010. Looking at the future, is sort of, not what I normally does. I don't like things to be planned out on a cartograph pie chart or something; yet, they had to be somehow planned too. Of course, random stuffs comes out all the time and I like my life how it is now. A 3 months deal, 6 month or a year thing is more time manipulated. I prefer stuffs which works in stages - performance wise.

The one thing that I'll repeat every year is that, recall what I did for the past 365 days. College has been occupying my life since 2006 - and it is time. New people, current relationship, craps, politics, competitions, hope, and stuffs. Everyday stuffs, sentimental stuffs, crazy stuffs. Pretty much everything. Things that Im proud of, Im glad of, Im happy about, Im sad recalling, Im blushing thinking about, Im mad of, Im terrified about. 2009, I would say is heavily affected by 2008. It was a year I consider wasted. Cant get enough of the mourning, you can say whatever shit you want.. Tell me about sudden lost of love.

2008, was a year to remember.
2009, was a year mourning.
2010, will be a year to recover.

Happy 2010 everybody.

tesstotoro & vampire

If I dont blog this, I'll probably die of ... I dont know what it is. Anyway, people have cravings. Right? A mug of perfectly brewed coffee, vintage wine, fine dark chocolate, freshly plucked strawberries, sunrise, fresh air, cigarettes [famous among archi students], even a sizzling hot pot of bahkutteh. [okay. thats a little too far.]

So, a couple of months ago, I was google-ing. Basically on random stuffs that pops-up to my mind. A song I heard from the radio which I do not know its title; an actor I saw the movie but have no idea who his or her name is. Anything you name it. Soon after I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - I went googling. Old movies that Brad Pitt was acting in. Somehow, I have this soft spot for vampire-related movies. As old as Dracula, to the Underworld 3. [fyi, the older the better. Maybe its because of the classical setting.]

Call this crazy, but I once waited for HBO's showtime in the midnight [around 3am?] in my relative's house. My home, do not subscribe to HBO. So, have to lah. ^^ Such a pain in the a$$ for my dad that time. He knew I love to watch movies.

Anyway, back to this vampire thingy. As I was browsing, I read this - Interview With The Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles. Brad Pitt starred, with Tom Cruise. Call that vintage. It caught my eye because I have never seen this movie in Malaysia's HBO channel. [fyi, Its banned here] The movie is made from Anne Rice's novel series - The Vampire Chronicles. Somehow, I managed to source this movie from a friend's house, and borrowed. Not sure where she bought the DVD. It doesnt look appetising at the first glance - something went wrong with the poster. It looked more like a horror movie. But it's more to a sad, sinful vampire romance. You are absolutely right, I'm so feeling don't want to return it now. :'(

To enhance the vampire-nesses of the movie, I watched it in the midnight. ^^ Sadly, my sis went to a camp, only will be coming back on the coming Tuesday. Will watch it again for the 100th time? LOL ... Brad Pitt have this masculine face and jaw line, which somehow it softens when you see in his velvety eyes. He plays a vampire in this movie, with a human heart. See the irony? He is passionate, loving, strong but emotionally fragile at the same time.

What surprises me is Tom Cruise. Call me a bias. The face of Ethan Hunt pops up whenever I think of Tom Cruise. It sort of imprinted his image as the multi-talented super spy agent. I have always liked action packed movies, but more towards Daniel Craig's 007 and Bruce Willis' type. He just looked so.. fragile to me.

Anyway, he stars in this particular vampire movie as well. Lestat, is the character's name. He should have carried this line along his career and make it his icon, like how Johnny Depp did with Jack Sparrow. The bold, enthusiastic, defiant arictocrat vampire... I've gotta tell you, I'm really impressed.

It feels like you are watching a piece of art, how he manipulate the minor details in the emotions and gestures. Its classic! With those satin smooth blond curls, translucent sea blue eyes, alabaster skin over the slender fingers with glass like nails holding a glass of wine, how could you resist him? And, the killing French accent.

Okay.. and Surprise no.3, would be Kirsten Dunst.

Yeah, the Spiderman girl. Remember? She plays the little vampire in the movie, 'daughter' of Lestat & Louis - Claudia. She's probably the only girl spent time romantically in a movie with BOTH Cruise & Pitt at the same time. Jealous? Cry lah~ LOL

and the Ultimate Surprise!! Antonio Banderas is in the movie too!! Let the picture tell you how elegantly dangerous is he in the movie. ^^

No words can describe this.

P.S : Kill me bah!!!

[Note: All pictures sourced from Google Image Search]

Worried : dedicated to Meg

To be frank. I'm Worried

I am worried that you met someone new.

I am worried that you met someone I don't know.

I am worried that you met someone that might hurt you.

I am worried that you met someone who doesn't deserve your attention.

I am worried that you met someone that makes relationship casual and disposable.

It worries me because I dont know how to teach you.

It worries me because I dont know how he'll influence you.

It worries me because I dont know how it will affect mom n dad.

It worries me because I dont know what is your perception of a relationship.

It worries me because I dont know whether you know that Im worried.

I feel like asking you every single details of your life. Sometimes, I cant bear it when you treat us like dirt, or disposable toilet roll... We love you. We have always wanted what's best for you. But, When you turn your back on us and we felt that friends are more important than your family, it worries me even more. For me, family plays a big part of a person's life. They are who you are. When everything fails, thats the only place you can lie down in peace and sleep like a baby.

Call me a tyrant. I have always wanted what's best for you.

You are what that's left for me.

Overprotective, It's my job to keep you safe.

I wouldn't want anyone or anything to hurt you.

I will support you, on every single decisions you make, as long as I'm convinced that you will be safe.

You are too precious, too valuable, too dear to be given to a person, that I dont even know who, what, how he is.

Just promise me that you'll tell when shit happens.

Keep yourself safe from anything and everything.

I Love You and I Always Do.

Wish you all the best with your new dude.

P.S : Don't break my heart.